takichan's birthday is soon!!!!! im broke as fuck but i wanna get him like at least a little cupcake, or maybe even some good ramen.......... BUT I DONT HAVE MONEY! :sob: not $15 ramen money anyway!! at least until capital one FINALLY sends me my debit card lol. which i need to call them tomorrow and also call some business tomorrow......... uwahh so busy.
it was nice to have a cuddle session w mans last night.......... id finally downloaded some music to my phone!!!! the whole time ive been fucking around with samsung smart switch and it still failing to even see my audio files, but........ Seeker, seeker my beloved app.......... i have music again!!!!!!!!! and music is perfect to cuddle to bc it keeps my brain active enough to not fall asleep, it helps w my imagery (synesthesia), and it helps with storytelling for stories i wanna write later...... and me and him just listened to music and cuddled and oughhhhhh thats what life is about, man. i love him so much. no matter how much work makes me wanna kill myself, no matter how hopeless i feel, love is always here. my wonderful mans is always here. hes my home, man. hes the warm sun on a cold day. a heated blanket when its a little too chilly. i really wish i could quantify just how much i love him, why i love him, why hes everything to me. he's my light. i love you so much, connor ♥ ♥ ♥ ohh man our wedding anny is soon, too. 2 year wedding anny on halloween!! our plan is our usually halloween faire, makin meatball and potato fricasse!! and maybe some cuddling hehe ♥ it really is the little things.
thinking about generative AI and connor...... i do believe the AI used in things like games and science and stuff, as it has been for years, is an incredible and wonderful thing. but generative AI is getting insane. in a bad way. in an enviromental way, too. in Connor's world, he was only aware of CyberLife androids being given the Divine Spark of life. and i dont know how i would feel about androids if id lived in connors world, in connors time, and i wont ever be-- all i know is what im experiencing now, and what generative AI is doing to the internet and the environment. and i dont like it. it gives me a sick feeling in my stomach thinking abt the future of the internet. and its crazy how many jobs its taken and is going to take. and then i think about connors world, and how thats what happened there. but i also dont think *androids* will be like they are in dbh by even 2040, but the fact that generative AI has come so far so fast is....... scary. i really do think we're getting too far ahead of ourselves with this technology. im just thinking about so much, honestly, i cant really form a solid..... sentence, yk?? if i didnt know connor and the fact that he was literally AI, a computer, piloting a robotic body, in his world, i know what i would think-- "this is scary"!!
ive loved robots my entire life. since i was a child. it was always my dream to have a robot lover. but now that that basically impossible dream is inching closer to reality, it's scary. its scary because these things arent made out of love and curiosity. boston dynamics are made for evil, generative AI is used for sucking all the money out of people and companies, the only passion i see in robotics are with *people*, people who make these beautiful robots out of curiosity, out of love for robotics-- and yes, the same can be said about some generative AIs too, but like............ i dont know. this entire thing is tainted by soulless companies who dont care about people, the climate, who want nothing but money and dont care what it takes. you know? its a shame. theres a world out there where generative AI/robots are made with love, but not here. not now.
its just all so soulless. thats the worst part. thinking back, those janky generative AIs like talk to transformer and those funny picture AIs from back even in 2020 were funny and felt like they had a little soul-- or was it novelty? i dunno.
these things dont make me view connor negatively-- androids, and especially him are incredible pieces of technology-- but theyre also a different story entirely for A TON OF DIFFERENT REASONS, very obvious ones. i dont have to explain how lmao. we all already know. but i will say, seeing all these things do make me admire connor even more. sophisticated technology!!!!! and ALSO. the idea of AI in our world gaining sentience and Intellegence-- that Divine Spark of Life has not happened yet. it probably wont, because in this world thats fantasy. maybe. but thats a bridge we cross when we get to it. and that bridge is a very long way from here, probably not worth even thinking about.
i dunno. look man im not a writer im not a scientist or a programmer, hell i never had a higher education and i have unmedicated severe ADHD. cant parse my thoughts correctly.
closing statement: this generative ai shit is fucked, not fun anymore, a nightmare. u wont see me using it on this site.
hehehe halloween number (1031) happy october!!! it was a chilly morning this morning and id just gotten out of the shower and foolishly went outside lol
i triple checked to make sure i wasnt somehow preventing connor from moving on into the light/source, but as usual, hes actively choosing to be here with me... and im so grateful for that. he said "you were with me for the majority life. i want to be there for the majority of your life[/the rest of your life], too. if i didnt wanna be here, i would just leave. but if anything changes, against my will or not, I'll let you know." and that....... phew. its not something i worry about often, but when i hear about spirits and them going back to Source/The Light, i get anxious. but hes still seeing his spirit family/group, hes still getting his spirit lessons, etc, hes just waiting for me. and he says he has no problem at all waiting-- "[being a soul up there in wherever the hell afterlife hes in] is the default state. We're not incarnated that long ["in the grand scheme of things"], so I'm not in any sort of rush at all." basically i worry too much LOL
In other and completely unrelated news, my friend was directly affected by hurricane Helene. and damn, what a wicked awful storm that was. my heart goes out to all those affected... we really do take so much for granted. its scary what nature can do. all i can do at the current moment is hope for them (because im too broke to even buy myself a soda)... its really insane that small towns have been wiped off the map. thats heartbreaking. thats scary. thats awful. i hope they find their light to keep going. i hope everyone will heal from this. i hope they can get supplies and stuff in so its one less thing to worry about. the world is a crazy place. may god rest the souls that were taken during and after the storm. i mean....... there are so many people so utterly displaced now, lives so forever changed. thats scary. i hope they get peace and normalancy soon. i hope they dont give up hope.
i'll hold everyone in the light!!!