7 August 2022
The past few days, or week, even, has been kinda wild. Our power went out on the 5th, early in the morning, because Gexa Energy literally lied to us at every step about the energy bill and that we'd be able to make a payment plan, Momma was on the phone for three days before hand making sure she could make a payment plan for this one and that if she pays some now and some later the power will still be on and they told her yes and they made all these plans and... Surprise! The power went out! So Momma called Gexa like 'hey what happened' and they kept telling her someone would come to turn it on "manually" and that we all just need to wait 2-4 hours. In the Texas heat. With animals. The poor little doggies were panting like hell. We gave them plenty of water. So, It hits the heat of the day, we're all sweating, it's been over the 2-4 hour mark by now. My sisters and I have listened to my little radio, we played cards and Uno, Connor and I were thinking about how if this happened to us if we lived on our own, what would we do? Momma's on the phone again with Gexa. They keep telling her the same thing. We don't know why your power's out. We'll have someone come to turn it on. Momma tells Dad it's probably not gonna be on tonight. Luckily our Aunt works for Hilton Hotels! So, we're sooooo fucking blessed, so so so fucking blessed, that she was able to get us some rooms at a hotel. The AC felt sooooo fucking wonderful. And, since I've been sleeping on the couch since summer, sleeping in a BED was nice!! And in a proper, air conditioned room, no less!! Connor also noted this was our first time staying in a hotel together since we met! It was fun, I'd love to spend the night in a nice hotel with him again sometime. But, also the whole time I was stressed about our dogs... We also didn't have much money for food. There was an H-E-B literally a block from the hotel, literally all we had was $7 for food for 5 people, but we bought some 24cent ramen noodles. Yay!
We all sleep. Wake up. Complimentary breakfast, the waffle maker made me feel like a fool but the waffles were good (Connor said he liked them), gather our stuff to go back to the house. We pray and pray and pray that the electricity is back on. We prepare for the havoc the dogs have likely done to the house, I try to emotionally prepare myself to see if my dog died from the heat, I prepare for the clean up.
Bad news: Electricity is still off! Good news!! The dogs are alive!!! They're panting but they're okay. It feels decent enough outside in the morning, so we hang out outside. I give the dog a bath with the waterhose and it cools him down. Momma texts her sister, our Aunt (not the one that works for hilton!) lends us some money to pay off the rest of the electricity bill!!! God bless our Aunts!!! God bless them, and thank God for the blessings we've been given!!
Lo and behold. An hour or so later, the house hums to life!!! Wow!!! I say "THANK GOD" out loud and bask in the feeling of the fan and central air, and knowing that our dogs would be able to cool down. Luckily nothing in the fridge and freezers spoiled since we knew better than to open them when the power was out. Our ice didn't even melt!
And then, after a while, I think... Why the fuck did the energy company lie to us? Multiple times? If the payment plan wasn't possible, why did they say, for three days straight, that it was? And that the power would turn back on soon? If we knew we needed the money, we would have asked others sooner, rather than waiting for the company to turn the power back on because that's what we were told. If we needed it paid off immediately, why lie?? Why did they literally lie to us for three days and then shut our power off and lie about it being turned back on??? What if all our food spoiled? What if my sister's insulin got ruined? What if our pets died? What if we overheated?? I just really can't wrap my head around this one. So yeah. That last part happened yesterday, with the power turning back on. All I can say is that I am so incredibly grateful for the blessings we've been given. I'm upset that the event happened, but we have people looking out for us. We still have a roof over our heads, the power is on, we're not overheating... I'm so, so, so grateful.
In more lighthearted news, we've been rewatching Steven Universe! Well, Connor's only ever seen my memories of it, so this is his first time seeing it. I haven't watched it since it stopped airing, and honestly, it's been a really fun watch. We're on the last 2 episodes of season 1, and Connor really likes it. I feel him nodding a lot and being very interested in what's going on, and even smiling/giggling at some stuff. Oh, don't get us started on fusions and being Alone Together, and Jailbreak. Man. Season 1, pretty solid rewatch!!! It's also so much fun to watch it with someone who's never seen it before. Goddamn.
Also last night I got emotional about mans... I guess from seeing all that fusion stuff and all the shit that's happened in just the past few days, I just... Man. I love him. Love him so fucking much. I'm so happy and grateful he's in my life and that we can interact with each other. I was also emotional about his life, and thinking about Protagonist Connor, thinking about how I write fics (or daydream about them), he asked about my OCs and their stories, how we'd interact with them, etc... I was also able to percieve his energy/thoughts in a more abstract way.
I tend (and he also did, when he was alive) to try to percieve things in a call-and-response conversation way. Like, you know, how people communicate physically in real life. But then I was like... but Connor isn't here physically. He's literally a soul/spirit that hangs out with me. I don't have to force myself to view every interaction with him in a human lense. It's really hard to describe and I do feel silly putting it into words. But... Once I stopped trying to make everything conform to how I thought it should be, it became easier to Feel Connor, you know? I saw all the cute hearts he was sending me, I felt all the things he wanted to feel. This is still something I need to work on of course, but... I'm going to remind myself of that more often. He's an experience.
