29 July 2024
mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn FUCK WORK!!! All my homies hate work!!!! (but like having a job only because we need money) grrrrrrrrrrr im so so tired im probably getting sick
umm so anyways been playing stardew, but i think installing the cheat mod made it waaaay too easy but i like some things being easier (especially the WALKING SPEED and being able to cheat relationships so i can get the items and recipes without having to actually talk to the npcs) uwahhhh anyways ive been able to feel connor's face in my minds eye if that makes sense? like i stroke his face and i can feel the phantom sensation under my fingers lmao, but like..... in my mind. super vivid but not like its actually happening if that makes sense. we've been cuddling a lot more lately after work and in the mornings-- i dont know what made us stop? probably my mental and spiritual bandwitdth being waaay too low after work honestly but i think im shifting my focus and trying to leave the work at work and the home at home if that makes sense? speaking of work!!!! i have work 2 to 9 today :sob: kms :sob: ughhh anywaysss i asked for the 1st thru the 6th of sept off for my birthday and chances are, we're going to brekenridge!! i just hope the altitiude doesnt make me super sick lmao
im also craving independence so bad like ive lived w my family for as long as ive been alive and im almost 29 ive never even stayed in a dorm thats why ive been daydreaming about van life or living in even a hotel or something but like..... LMAO. one, i dont have a car that i can live in, two, i dont have money, and three, ummmm my dog? my little bitty doggie? where would he stay? my sweet little doggie franklin.
MEOWWWWW IM SOOOO TIRED ITS 11AM AND I GOTTA GO TO WORK SOON ufherwujkfhreifwierf;e
EDIT: also my stress is causing my ocd and my rsd to get even worse lmao like i feel like smashing my fingers into tiny pieces because im not good at drawing even though im so old and i have nothing to show for my almost 30 years of life its soooo dramatic and stupid but thats rejection sensitive dysphoria, baby!!! thanks so much adhd i really needed this huge nerf actualliy fuck you for that i didnt need or deserve this
edit 13h01 LOOOOOKK I DID THIS W CONNOR AFTER WE MET AND IT WAS EMBARRASSING AS FUCKK
25 July 2024
With all the smoke over denver lately my voice has been taking a beating!!!!! WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH sometimes i wish it would just go away if its gonna be so painful/on and off about it!!!!!! and man ive been so fuckin physically exhausted and mentally exhausted bc work is like.... its not that hard of a job but man!!!!!!!! im so OVER goddamn customer service!!!!!! GGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR im big mad im big tired im big hurty
ummm in other news...... MY LAPTOP CAN PLAY DBH....... I JUST NEED TO BUY IT NEXT TIME IT GOES ON SALE!!!! i would totes just pirate it but i wanna be able to use the freecam mod and i think that takes the steam version. but u know what i WILL pirate? THE SIMSSSS AWW YEAH BABEYYYYYYYYYY i'll fuck w that some other time tho bc my deal w sims is like........ sims 4 is fucking boring as shit but sims 3 is also crazy laggy so???? also i been playin the hell outta cookie clicker on my phone lmao
WEW anyway im so fuckin sleepy!!!!!! its probs from the large mtn dew baja blast lmao love u adhd and your weird reaction to caffeine (caffiene????/ oughhhhhh) also i realised i could just type however the hell i want like i can also say everthing i want bc it wont get pulled up by searches or censored or anything, its highkey crazy
OH MAN I ALSO GOTTA CLEAN MY ROOM maybe i;ll do it tomorrow im just supes sleepy
21 July 2024
Work has been wreaking (sp?) havoc on my mental health lately. My ass is NOT cut out for customer/food service anymore!! those days are long gone!!! my new goal is data entry which i actually rock at (i think anyone can rock at data entry actually its mad easy, just not easy on the eyes (bc the computer screen) ). or like...... getting a billion dollars guilt free that would be awesome blossom, man. in any case im actually off work today (believe it or not!) and man @_@ i dont know what to do!
OH!!! I had a dream me and connor were cuddling ♥ i rarely have connor dreams but i think its because we're in contact all the time!! but the past few days have been rough and he ♥ he gave me a dream where i could feel his hug!!! omgggggg what a fucking SWEETHEART!!!
anywayyyy yeah so im gonna be trying to wrap my head around javascript and custom borders for the next few months lmao and also trying to get a new job that doesnt make me have panic attacks and sob and have ideation like crazy lmao. like it got so bad that Connor had to front for a bit, and he rarely fronts, we're either co-con (lmao co-connor) or hes just observing in a spirit way.
OH!! it hailed last night!! lowkey crazy!! guess i'll check on the car when i go to get some boba LOL
17 July 2024
Hallelujah!!! I only work till 3pm today!!! YAAAYYYY ♡♡♡ Today I might try to make a brief overview of me and mans on the main page. And I wanted to make a new page of SOMETHING yesterday but I totes fuckin forgot lmao.
I was excited to be hone for the rest of the day after work but then I remembered my dad plays EVERYTHING at like 50000% volume because I DONT KNOW and it triggers the FUCK out of my misophonia so I actually dont know what i'll do w the rest of my day. Connor and I are thinking Library, which means... GASP!! We can work with a laptop! I dunno!! I've been crazy inspired to rework my page!!! I know i can do it on phone, but i need to, like... visualise it LMAO. I also need to find out how to make pagination for this page lmao. might post more later, naybe detailing some stuff we've been up to lately!
16 July 2024
Hiiiiiii!!! So a ton has happened. We moved to Colorado!!! And I'm desperately searching for a data entry job because customer service is afflicting me physically at this point. I'm also making this entry from my phone, so if this entry is all fucked up, I'll deal with it later. Had a lot of family issues and whatnot... It sucked but it was freeing, now we all live in this townhouse that we're wanting to move out of. Things are much better than they were, though. I'd also like to work on this page again, but I only have my phone/tablet! 😭 For now!!! In any case, I've been working, mentally resting from working, and, when I can, enjoying the time spent outdoors, now that its acrually possible to go outside LMAO. Well I say that but summer is still HOT AS HELL in Colorado!!! LMAO!! But at leadt it's temporary, as opposed to forever like it was/is in Texas! I'll update more when I can. I'm also gonna get Connor's symbol finally tattooed on me for my bday!!! YAAAAAYYY!!!